Archive for the 'Diary' Category

I am not a human capable of naturally producing a wide array of emotions. I blame it mainly on being too lame a child to try and understand what such things were all about, and also on the gargantuan amount of time I spent locked inside my head dreaming of worlds wherein I may one day float to and through.

Now as an adult I am capable of categorizing and reproducing most feelings on a regular basis, and with the exception of a few, I must admit I am terribly awful as far as feeling goes.

The ones I can muster, tame, and spawn though… those definitely make me feel more human than most humans feel about themselves (test of introspection: How often do you realize your position in the known Universe as a human? How about as a human assuming its role in nature? A human assuming a certain role in society?). As a teenager I realized that I had to try and understand people in order to be able to properly get along with them, and as such I experimented seeing what fitted me the most. As it turns out, all I had to do was go back to my basics (as a child) and find that which fills me the most.

It has been twenty-two months since the week wherein I got my first DSLR as a gift from my maker. Back then I was tremendously anxious to use the camera at all times and in all places, but with the remainders of Winter storming my keep, I did not experiment much in the end. The months that followed led to several incredibly uncomfortable situations as my ignorance regarding photography in certain places and circumstances turned plenty of hours into nothing but waste. Still, the experiences were assimilated and I rarely make the mistakes I used to do back then.

By the time a year had passed since I got my first camera, I knew just enough to move freely through the lands with my camera in hand (whenever I could), but I still found several limitations such as weather or the time of the day due to the subjects and things I was most interested in taking pictures of. A couple of events in the form of a music festival and a convention (both local) gave me the opportunity to try several new things and made me realize how much I love this hobby (I largely spoke about all this in another post).

Every year ever since the one after I moved to this volatile land of odd weathers I have been dreading an event that I will seemingly be cursed by as long as I live here. It is something that is biologically logical, and predictably understandable. It is, however, something absolutely annoying.

My friends and acquaintances call them Winter blues, but I like to call them Winter fuckthisboringstageoflife.

The first time I experienced this exasperatingly annoying facet of life in this piece of the Earth rock, I got immensely depressed after not being able to carry on with my usual outdoor activities and being confined to life inside of buildings the grand majority of the time. As someone who grew up being constantly outside and/or being displaced from one place to another, I found it trapping to be confined to interiors whenever the weather was even slightly cold — for there is little to do whenever the temperature reaches a certain low point, except for Winter sports (something I have not found the least bit attractive so far).