Now as an adult I am capable of categorizing and reproducing most feelings on a regular basis, and with the exception of a few, I must admit I am terribly awful as far as feeling goes.

The ones I can muster, tame, and spawn though… those definitely make me feel more human than most humans feel about themselves (test of introspection: How often do you realize your position in the known Universe as a human? How about as a human assuming its role in nature? A human assuming a certain role in society?). As a teenager I realized that I had to try and understand people in order to be able to properly get along with them, and as such I experimented seeing what fitted me the most. As it turns out, all I had to do was go back to my basics (as a child) and find that which fills me the most.

Introducing anger.

There are many things that make me angry: Namely, everything — but as far as the days that have dawned on my fragile self as of lately go, I have an intense hatred for humanity… but probably not for the reasons that you may imagine just from reading that sentence.

The reason why I hate humanity with a burning passion in this very moment is simple: We are too fragile creatures to be living in such an inclement Universe. For the last nine days I have been ill in a way that is more annoying than it is deadly as I am far from dying but certainly not able to do things that in normality I would be able to perform. While I understand the evolutionary reasoning behind our fragility and the definite causes to the disease that stroke my body in such an unlovely way, the reality that we are faced as crystal-like creatures is far too annoying to be thoroughly enjoyed.

While there are true realities such as: There is great potential as far as each individual goes — both mentally and physically when we compare ourselves to the average human, or even better: To those below the average. Humans can rely on their ability to create solutions to make up for their apparent and ever evolving fragility. We are fertile and can spread like a plague, and there is almost no place we cannot inhabit in this rock.

There are also other realities that are equally and more true: Human bodies are awful.

Surrender your flesh today; strive for a better tomorrow!

Cheerio,

After an incredibly amusing weekend that began slowly and ended up with massive amounts of fatigue, my human form surrendered to an illness that rendered me useless for the entirety of a day and for portions of other two. The aftermath, however chaotic, can be easily fixed… or so I would like to think.

There are plenty of not so lovely aspects of being sick: The weakness, the general annoyance commonly known as pain, and the lack of energy to invest in pretty much anything. The past two and a half days I have spent making trips from my room to the kitchen while accomplishing little to nothing in every single aspect of my life. I even missed my picture of the day in spite of the process being as simple as picking one of my cameras up and pushing the trigger to capture something. Anything.

Being sick has been, will be, and is a major waste of time for people who enjoy investing such a thing in many an activity. It can be said that, at the very least, my downtime period gave me enough time to think about the future and about things to write about. Those things, however, shall meet the light of day and coldness of night another day since my vessel is still weakened and it probably needs to rest before being able to properly write something.

Tomorrow should somehow be fun, as I shall spend a vast part of the afternoon working on the first version of my photographic portfolio.

Cheerio,

By the time a year had passed since I got my first camera, I knew just enough to move freely through the lands with my camera in hand (whenever I could), but I still found several limitations such as weather or the time of the day due to the subjects and things I was most interested in taking pictures of. A couple of events in the form of a music festival and a convention (both local) gave me the opportunity to try several new things and made me realize how much I love this hobby (I largely spoke about all this in another post).

Today I received a package I had been waiting for for a short time, but a short time that seemed eternal due to my desire to have the assistants of my new experiment in my hands. Needless to say, my assistants are home now.

At the beginning of this month I ordered my first two Japanese plastic figurines, they managed to make it here during the week, and I finally got to pick them up. I have always been a fan of collectibles and of toys of all kinds (be it display or uh… to play with?), and even though I own hundreds of figures (most are Transformers) that I purchased over the years, I had never owned figurines like these before.

As I (we?) looked outside the window today, there was nothing but snow and cold outside to see. Last year more than the year before I realized how difficult it is to take even a simple picture when everything looks the same, there is far too much light to take proper pictures, and the weather is generally annoying to spend time in. At the beginning of the year I figured it would be a good idea to get new types of models: People and figurines. Since I currently own not a space dedicated to take pictures of large objects such as humans, I decided to take a step into the ocean that is toy photography.

Two subjects have been acquired and more are on their way here. Things are about to get interesting.

Cheerio,

It is unusual for me to experience something that fills me with even the smallest amount of terror during my sleep, but when something manages to create stress within my dreams, it is more often something silly than something of utmost importance. Yesternight I decided to make a change that will alter my gaming habits for all eternity, and the change was met with so much resistance on my part that I even had my own share of nightmares related to it.

Enter the grid.

For those unfamiliar with this layout in particular and its origins: This is the Grid hotkey layout that can be find buried within the entrails of Starcraft 2. This means that all the hotkeys that are usually spread across the entire keyboard are confined to a block of fifteen letters of goodness. For Random players such as myself it offers the advantage of not having to move frantically between one game and another over the keyboard — something that the current condition of my wrists regret whenever I game too passionately.

What does it do?

It replaces the many combos:

• P: AMSHPGCNVODEMCZSEDTTFRABICEAGFCYCDTSFRB
• T: AMSHPGCNVODSADRGESTVDERBCSRBUGETMFASCCXPB
• Z: AMSHPGCNVODDVVZEQRJFTCBUHLHEVASCRBIHSJNNU

(repeated characters are because of unit actions, buildings, and units)

With: Many iterations of QWERTASDFGZXCVB.

What it does for me as a Random player is pretty much making my life much more easier: A Psi Storm, EMP, or a Fungal Growth now all rest in the same keystroke (X), just like building a worker will always be Q from now on. This changes everything. Especially the wiring in my head.

Ever since the last days of the beta I have been playing with the default layouts of every race, and while it took me a while to learn all the hotkeys… I did learn them all, and now that I have decided to rewire my head and change all the keys while remaining a random player, my mind is suffering enough for me to have nightmares. Most of them are about me floating 800+ minerals.

I highly recommend this for anyone who has just started playing the game. It will surely make your life easier as you game your life away.

Cheerio,

My friends and acquaintances call them Winter blues, but I like to call them Winter fuckthisboringstageoflife.

The first time I experienced this exasperatingly annoying facet of life in this piece of the Earth rock, I got immensely depressed after not being able to carry on with my usual outdoor activities and being confined to life inside of buildings the grand majority of the time. As someone who grew up being constantly outside and/or being displaced from one place to another, I found it trapping to be confined to interiors whenever the weather was even slightly cold — for there is little to do whenever the temperature reaches a certain low point, except for Winter sports (something I have not found the least bit attractive so far).

This Winter I decided to change things a little by building a PC and getting lots of games to play, and everything was okay until I realized one of my main hobbies was severely crippled by the lack of uh… everything that is limited by cold and darkness. Taking pictures became something relatively boring to do as of last week since there is little to be found in the streets that is not completely covered by snow. Discovering that most other hobbiists are frustrated by similar notions I feel slightly better with myself… which surprisingly lead me to finding the solution to part of my problems.

I have never found interior photography particularly charming, but I think I might just give it a try for the sake of trying something new and keeping myself from going on a murderous spree for no particular reason (good one at that). So what started as a way of merely snapping pictures just because ended up giving me an idea of how to spend time outside with my camera without going completely insane because of the snow.

I guess it is also time to get seriously back into blogging before my words run dry along with my imagination and my will to do anything. I am fortunate enough to have a couple of packages that will more than give me enough to relaunch two of my blogs with absolutely no effort — for the motivation is there, but the drive has been more than just death for the longest time and that is just unacceptable. So I guess tomorrow shall be a particularly innovative day…

Cheerio,

Committing myself to creating a post every single day of the year no matter what, and trying to keep the banality of my human life as limited as possible has certainly proved to be a fun thing to do rather than a challenge on its own. The reasons are simple: I no longer have many problems summoning a memory of something that I want to write about, my typing speed has gotten to a point where I can easily think at the same rate at which I type, and I now have plenty of experience in the ways of creating a slightly decent post in a very short amount of time.

I wish things had been the way they are today exactly a year ago.

As of today I have written fifteen posts (counting this one, I am behind a couple of hours — remember?) and have not had to force myself to sit down and type something to fill my screen with in order to fulfill one of my one hundred and forty four new year’s resolutions. I luckily decided to write as often as I could for a while before getting back on this blogging enterprise that my personal blog is. A year ago I made the mistake of going from posting very little to posting a lot, and after a short while I was paying the consequences of my transgression in the domain of the exaggerated: By the third week of the year not only did I have more than one post per day, my number was closer to that of four every day through a series of blogs that many and absolutely no people ever saw (none would be an example of what happened in the previous incarnation of this blog). It was fun at the time, but there came a moment wherein my brain was completely dried of ideas and I was so exhausted from forcing myself to spend hours preparing and writing posts just to get as little gratification as possible by the time they were published. Joined by the fact that only about half of my posts were consistent in their nature and that I was aiming to constantly improve, from grammar to proper syntax and from that which I wanted to what the public wanted, I found more than one way to burn myself out — something that eventually happened and something that I regret I allowed to happen.

My post count for January 2011 were 74 posts; my post count for May 2011 was 0 posts.

This year I am trying something different for a change: If I happen to create more items than days of the year it will be because something extremely odd happened, even if I start posting in three blogs at the same time I am going to remain relatively close to my objective and crank no more than two posts every day, and not every single day since it would be odd. That is, unless I manage to find a way to create posts even faster than I already do, which would surely allow me to comfortably create posts as I see fit without actually burning myself out.

Until then though, this will suffice.

Cheerio,

Turns out the movie itself is a great showcase of acting and an excellent thing to invest time on. The message of the movie and the related subjects should be easily digestible by any person that has the most remote interest in actually watching the movie. In my particular case, I got to realize the abandonment of yet another area of my life I once used to be completely and irrevocably obsessed about.

Videlicet, studies of all kinds.

As a kid I used to devour knowledge in ways that were not exactly efficient, but they were at least vast and I customarily feasted on whatever new knowledge I could get my hands on. Coupled with the mental capabilities that my human forms have, this turned me into a person who can develop in pretty much any area (and as someone who will probably never figure out what that area is). There even came a time in my life where I decided I would dedicate my life to learning many a thing instead of focusing on something specific and doing it for the rest of my life. Polymathy awaited me and I decided to pursue it.

Except… I kind of completely forgot about it. At some point of my life my love for fiction overtook my desire to trespass into the realms of reality, and in spite of devouring a vast amount of knowledge on a regular basis, I started feasting on information that was hardly useful for practical situations other than impressing people with randomly useless facts about life on this rock.

Watching a movie about two great minds within their field in Psychoanalysis did little to help me as I frustratingly remembered all that I once studied about said subject, and as I realized how fragmented my memories about everything related to it were. Use it or lose it? Closer to Water your garden or watch it die as far as my mind goes. Frustration has inevitably ensued in my otherwise peaceful mind.

I guess it is time to study my brains out for all eternity.

Cheerio,

Wanting things for oneself is normal. While some people may want only that which they need, some others may be the complete opposite and get everything but that which they need. Me? I always get what I want and what I need, but my ways have apparently given me an advantage that will prove to be economically fortuitous in the future.

Or so I think. I am going to go ahead and take today’s situation as a random situation in the future.

Back in December I finally acquired a desktop computer after living in this place for three places with naught but a laptop (on the left). I spent little on the machine itself in order to further upgrade it in the future. My original plan was to start upgrading it sometime after my birthday with a very slow pace, but after realizing today that I have been spending much less than I normally would, the plan will probably be pushed to a date closer to the middle of next month. A new video card, memory, two new monitors, and a gaming headset. Whereas under normal circumstances I would have saved lots to get them one by one… I might just be able to get them all in a single big box with no effort.

Did I just… stop spending money?

Back in December I spent my money in few things: Parts and games for my computer. You may or may not know of Steam’s annual holiday sale and its grandiose reductions in regular prices of pretty much every game they have. Coupled with the already vast amount of games I already had, I will probably not spend any money in games until a new sale comes forth. The other things I would appreciate having, accessories for my cameras and garments for my body, I will not use at all since the season is rather… hostile as far as weather goes. It turns out that none of the things I want at the moment I will need, and as such there is no need to get them. Yet.

The entire notion of not actually needing something has definitely left me thinking more about the things that I want and need (few), instead of those that I do not (many). It is definitely lovely to have no need to spend money in pretty much anything.

Cheerio,

As intriguing as it may be to consider wasting time in the present just to spend extra time on an activity in the future is, it is something relatively normal in the societies I have lived in for my entire human life: A situation arises that creates discomfort to someone and due to said discomfort a vast amount of time is lost in any given useless activity (or inactivity), and then the individual makes up his/her mind to use time in the future to do what was not done in the present/past. While I understand the notion of doing that which could not be done on a particular occasion, why must the waste of time be justified by the actual enactment (or re-enactment) of that which the waste neglected?

Worrying about such a banal thing may be colloquially considered to be a waste of time on its own, but if something bothers me in any situation in life is downtime and the fact that things that prevent events from happening exist. In a perfect world (or rather, in my own perfect world as I have imagined it), any individual should be able to do whatever it wanted whenever it wanted with no interruptions or the need to retry due to mildly restrictive circumstances. Take sleep for example: Someone who is tired may want to spend a certain amount of time resting after a period of little to no rest, but why must a justification such as ‘making up for it’ must arise? What is worse — why must some humans literally compensate such a thing?

Probably the most common and annoying type of instance in which this compensation aberration takes place is when people trade precious hours of activities in exchange for doing absolutely nothing or dreaming the dreams of others as they waste time not doing the things they want. Why not instead stop trying to incarnate dreams that are not one’s own and pursue that which oneself truly yearns? It may depend a lot on what a human wants from life, but it should not be complicated to take any number of steps in the right direction towards that which is wanted and/or needed instead of wasting or letting something waste precious time and resources.

It is hilarious to think that the things that drove me to the ultimate annoyance that is this post were the in-clemently odd local weather with its dry December and sudden snowy second weekend of January, and a friend that has remained locked in his dwelling for no good reason while he truly desires to do much more with his life… than watching hideous pictures in websites that dedicate themselves to making profit off free content others create. It just makes absolutely no sense to waste perfectly useful time and energy in something that someone does not want to do instead of doing that which said someone desires to do (or have done).

I may be too simple a person as far as acting or not acting goes, but the conflict that causes the unnecessary complexity of the actions of some people truly aggravate me.

Today’s orders: Act.

Cheerio,

Earlier today I was going through hundreds of old posts from my past, and while I have decided to ignore and forsake most of them, I did find a certain group of posts interesting to my current blogging life as of this year: The very first posts I did under the pseudonym that I currently use — posts created during one of the most creative parts of my life, and also during what I believe was the toughest stage of my life thanks to some very unusual circumstances.

There was a short time after I started living in Montreal; something between six and eight months that I isolated myself from the world and contact with humans other than through small interactions in my University classes. Instead I opted for talking to my friends back home (in the motherland) and remaining isolated from everyone else — especially the locals, humans whom I was rather terrified of. Along came an event that changed my life in a mere four days, and from then on I decided to slowly but surely improve my situation in every possible aspect. I took on life with a new moniker as my identity and surprisingly managed to find myself swinging a sword with fervor in the midst of a chaotic nothingness.

The flame never managed to fade away.

It has been almost three years since the four days that changed my life, and I can surely see that the previous decline has managed to be devastated into nothingness, and erected in its stead is a life of constant progress and supreme improvement (my life in this very moment). Time sure flies away superbly fast as it seems like it was yesterday that I found myself in my room fulfilling little to nothing in my life, with no contact with anyone except a handful of individuals, and heading to inevitable disaster. Reading those first posts I managed to crank out of my system is entertaining as I literally forced myself to be creative in specific ways after what seemed like an eternity of being submerged in a plethora of nonsense and imagination.

My routine went from getting drunk and writing after school to trying to spend my time doing everything but that. While the first months were slow and I did nothing but read and write (no alcohol) with large amounts of music in the background, after a year I was pretty much back to where I initially was. Another year was all that I needed to surpass the expectations I had for the future.

Two and a half years after my encounter with inspiration, and I am working one of my dream jobs, pursuing and executing most of my hobbies, and making plans for a future that I never thought would be within my grasp. All that I needed was a different kind of inspiration to start walking many a path instead of a single one.

Today’s orders: Go out there and do what you want.

Cheerio,